How To Be Happy

Everybody gets moody. That’s why people go on diets, spend too much money for clothes, or suck up to popular people - because they think it will make them happy! Instead of striving for happiness it often comes to us! However, the more you get to know people around you, the more you will see what makes even the happiest people crazy.

Steps

1. Keep your thoughts reasonable and think positively. If you catch yourself thinking that things aren’t going to work out, then think again. Remember that most things work out better than you fear - so imagine that your fears are ungrounded and success is real. Rather than thinking of the problems and getting desperate, imagine the best outcome and then work out what you need to do to make that happen. Follow your instincts. If the thoughts you are thinking are not giving you that ‘good feeling’, then think about something else that will make you feel good in that moment. Observe your thoughts and ideas consistently throughout the day (diary/journal if possible). Sometimes this may not be as easy as you think if you are stuck in a “negative” train of thought and your brain chemicals are getting fired up and forming “anxiety or anger” thoughts. Anxiety, fear and anger patterns can be interrupted by focusing on something else. This will dissipate the rush of chemicals that are making you feel bad. Immediately then go back to picturing scenes/remembering things/imagining, planning stuff that makes you feel ‘good’.


2. Be a big giver. It is possible giving time and resources to others who need them will contribute more to your happiness and creative outlook on life than almost anything else. The key to successful family relationships is giving time to others. Give your time and give yourself up for friends, family and others who may be in need. Spend time with your family and other positive people in your life, and recognize they are your most valuable worldly asset. The happiest days of our lives, when we really dig down deep, is when we see the smile on the face of a child who has nothing and you have given them something of immense value to them such as reading them a book, it means you love them enough to give of your time. Serve at a rescue mission and you will learn the meaning of “I cried because I had no shoes and then I saw a man who had no legs.” Give and it will be given unto you. Isn’t it true the happiest people we know are typically the ones who for some foolish reason are always ready to give you the clothes off their back? And frequently it is true that the most discontented people are the ones who are selfish, demanding, and inconsiderate of others. So form the habit of being a Big Giver and you will know one of the secrets to successful happy living. In media, common terms include: ‘you are what you radiate’, ‘you live what you give’ and ‘everything comes back to you’.


3. Don’t lie to yourself- see everything for exactly what it is. You have friends and family who love you. Learn how to be thankful. Think of all the things you have to be happy about. Relax, calm down, take things slower. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future. If we are prepared to take ownership for the past and accept that everything that’s happened in our life, good and bad, has made us the person we are - the battle is half won.


4. Lighten up. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Try not to over analyze things. Stress can cause many mental, physical, and spiritual problems in your life. One of the major causes of stress is worrying about things that are out of your control. Learn to recognize these things and if you can truly do nothing about them, then just let them go. Take time to laugh at yourself and the situations you find yourself in. Laughter is a powerful, positive medicine and the calmer and more peaceful you can take things, the happier your life will be. It wouldn’t be life if some bad things don’t happen.


5. Be yourself. You can’t please everybody. Much criticism is caused by people who are discontented with themselves, not you. Comparing yourself to others is rarely accurate in your personal life. In the first place, no one knows what other people are going through. More importantly, when you compare yourself to other people, you often see yourself on the “short end”. See how this is not helpful to you or your goals. One way to get ‘in touch with yourself’ is through journaling, diaries or (lately) blogs. Your goal may be to open up completely to yourself and learn to be your best friend by knowing that the truth (to yourself) will set you free from fear! Practice self-acceptance - or learn to transform from mistakes. Find ways to enjoy things you are uncomfortable with. You’ll respect yourself for getting through challenges, and that self-respect will make you happy.


6. Make a scheduled time every day for relaxation. This is a good time to go over any therapy that you’re working on. Having a “relaxation/meditation” time or a “quiet time” every day strengthens you, allows the stress and tension in your life to evaporate, and keeps you more in a positive frame of mind.


7. Get a job you love. Some research says 80% of people dislike their jobs! Having a job that makes you look forward to your day when you wake up in the morning is important to a happy, fulfilled life. Making special time to enjoy interests, hobbies, and family, makes life happier.


8. Develop a strong relationship with your family. That includes trust. If you are in an abusive family, you must find a way to stop the abuse and that may include separation. If you want a stronger relationship with your family, you’re going to need to be honest with them. Tell your family about your life and don’t insult them - it hurts them just as much as it hurts you to be insulted.


9. Choose the right companion. Get involved with activities that reflect who you are, and get to know people who like the things you do. When forming relationships with new people, take things slow.


10. Choose your friends carefully. Nearly everyone needs someone who cares for them and treats them well. If you have friends who are treating you badly, or are not supportive of you and your goals to improve your life, then ditch them and find friends that do care about you. If you can’t find any friends like that in your current circumstances, then look elsewhere. If you’re feeling sad, there’s nothing like going out with your friends to make you feel better. Surround yourself with friends who are positive, encouraging, and helpful. We all need this continuing, positive encouragement to make solid positive progress in life.


11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself. Volunteer at a hospital or be a part of a program, which takes care of patients in some way. When you leave the hospital, you will be so much happier knowing that you’ve done something meaningful, something someone else can appreciate. (mentioned above).


12. Wish the best for others and mean it. It is so easy to be jealous and petty and forget to celebrate the good fortune of your peers, friends and family.


13. Keep learning. Whether it is a new hobby or a new dance, just keep learning something that interests you. Just find a new interest and go for it! It will give you something to keep you occupied, and a new outlook on life.


14. Set goals. Live up to them. When you accomplish a goal, it’s a great feeling. If you put all your failures down to other people, you put yourself in their power. Take responsibility for when things go wrong in your life, and do things different next time.


15. Be healthy. Give your body and mind what it most needs in order to function in an “optimal” way. “Optimal” in this case means being the healthiest you can be, and the most balanced you can be. Eat healthy, with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Get plenty of exercise.


16. Strive for long term goals rather than short term satisfaction. It’s very easy to gain short term satisfaction, a quick high, a fast relief from your current problems (such as drugs, alcohol, sex). But it is what it is, a “short term” satisfaction, its effects die out very soon, leaving you again with this empty feeling. Set long term goals, set goals which take time, thought, and effort to achieve. This will make you continually work towards improving yourself bit by bit and will give you the satisfaction of bringing a permanent change in your life.

Tips

• Try thinking of a creative vow and write it down. Make it something like: I vow to give at least one compliment to someone each day and I’ll try to control my anger by counting in my head before reacting.




• If you have problems saying your feelings and opinions to other people, learn the techniques of self-assertion, rather than using anger or avoidance by holding your feelings and thoughts inside you.




• Take up a spiritual practice. Research shows that people who meditate have a somewhat detached approach to the problems of this life, and are calmer, happier and more contented than usual. Turning to a higher power, closing your eyes and thinking of artistic images, doing deep breathing, etc. can give you a sense of peace.




• Try to make someone else happy and you will feel happy for achieving something!




• Research suggests that happy people have a simple mental strategy towards life. When they think about something good that happened to them, they explore how they personally contributed to that good feeling and feel happy about themselves.




• Listen to music that makes you feel good. When you wake up, put on some uplifting / upbeat music.




• Be honest with yourself. Is there something that is keeping you from being happy - an addiction, a bad habit, or insecurity? Acknowledge it carefully first - then take action to change it!




• Smile! It’s contagious and takes less effort than frowning. Stressing about things out of your control rarely makes things ‘better’.




• Get the correct amount of sleep every night. This varies depending on age, gender and exercise - but too little or too much is hard on your body. Practice good sleep hygiene




• When you receive a compliment from others, accept it and say “thank you”, with a smile.




• The true key to happiness is acceptance - learning to be grateful for what you have. A lot of people know it but don’t keep it in their minds. Comparing your life with others is dangerous. Accept the gifts you have and know that no one is better than or less than anyone else.




• Make new friends and communicate with them. Talk to them about your life and Listen to them talk about their life.




• Get out of the house - hang out with positive people, do something outdoors, visit a park… Variation in your routine will break up monotony and relieve boredom.




• Even in the most terrible times, do not turn to alcohol, drugs, internet, or anything else that is addictive, abusive to the health of you or others. Bad habits grow like weeds - they are easy to get, but hard to get rid of. Many addictive ’solutions’ can make your problems much worse.




• Keep a “Gratitude Journal”. Every day write down a few things that you are thankful for and then review what you have written in past entries. It’s a great way to remind yourself to be thankful for what you have and to boost your mood! For extra challenge, find creative ways to give back to these situations or people.




• Remember a happy thought is ‘creative’ and ‘powerful’. A negative thought ‘destroys’ and reduces power. Find out where you would rather keep your mind.




• Create something: some artwork, make a scrapbook of pictures, sing your heart out, dance manically until your feet and body give way or perhaps cook a delicious meal for people you love.




• Learn how to feel and experience all your different senses in the best possible way: sight, sound, taste, touch, smell (relaxation & ‘full minded’ meditation practice).




• It is always good to live in the moment-if you have a big stresser coming up, you may be really worked up about it. For example, if you are at Cedar Point for the day, but are too worried that you failed your Algebra exam, you may be too nervous to enjoy your ride on the Raptor. Just put off worrying until you have access to your grades. Often times you get too worked up about it and realize that you got a B.




• Never ever be bored: always have something to do, somebody to talk to or hang out with. Listen to music and dance your heart out. Live your life the way you want to. Not somebody elses version of living, but instead, your own. Be yourself, no matter what. That’s the most important thing.

Warnings

• Happiness begins from within. If you don’t accept what you have or who you are, then you will never be truly happy with anyone else.
  
  
  Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Be Happy. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

How to Grow Old and Be Happy Doing So

Lot of retired people with lot of money living perhaps with their spouse, or living in a nursing or care facility. They seem to have everything that they worked for all their lives, yet they seem very empty and sad.Whether they were bedridden or had no other people about them at all, but there are many things one could do in life that perhaps they haven’t done. Perhaps they, too, might be able to start thinking this way, too.

Steps

1. First of all is one’s outlook on life. If circumstances get a person down, there is no way he or she can feel happy and alive. No matter how bad things get to be, there is probably some redeeming quality in what is happening.


2. Secondly, though it may be said too many times these days,that an older person needs to keep active and healthy.


3. Thirdly, eat as much as you need to to feel good.Don’t overeat.One must be careful not to gain too much weight, but be sure you enjoy what you eat, and eat healthy foods. Healthy foods are delicious, when added to one’s diet regularly.


4. Fourth, look good every day. Wear nice clothes, or as nice as you can afford. People treat you well if you wear things that are becoming and look nice and clean. Comb your hair and put on makeup if you are a woman. Take a bath every day and keep yourself clean and sparkling.


5. If you are in pain, take care of whatever ails you. If your leg hurts, find out why and take herbs or do physical therapy which will restore it to full use. See a doctor when you must, but don’t overdo the medical dependence. Read and talk to others about what they have done to relieve their aches and pains. Exercising regularly is very good for keeping aching muscles from spoiling your life.

Tips

• Some people have a problem with genetic ailments. Perhaps cancer is prevalent among family members. Perhaps cataracts or heart problems. In this case, one must take care to check on this particular weakness periodically and make sure it does not happen to you. Actually, the threat of an ailment can spur one on to do more to stay healthy. If you know that exercise is good for heart problems, you will exercise more. This will also be good for other problems that may plague you.


• If you are bored, find something to work on. Get outside the house and help someone else.
  If you find your activities limited, find things that might be possible within your limits. Reading or listening to music at concerts or other places is good fun. The trick is to apply yourself seriously to your chosen recreation.


• Remember what you wanted to do when you grew up. Did you do it? If not, do it now.

Warnings

• Be careful not to fall into a “waiting” trap, where you feel like you are waiting on the world to save you. It won’t happen. You are the only one who can do anything about your situation. If you act like it is the end of the world, it may be. But if you act like you are alive, you will attract others and life will be more worth living.


• If you don’t exercise, eat well or take care of yourself, you will become older fast. This is like giving up. You are still alive if you are reading this and you can do something about your own situation.


• So get out there and do something! Live it up! go dancing, have pets and paint pictures. There are a lot of things one can do.

How to Date an Older Guy

Okay girls--you know we all like older "men", and why is that? Because they are more mature than "boys" our age. The problem is, while you like your older guys because of their maturity, they might be annoyed with your lack of maturity. Here are some general rules you have to know if you don't want to drive your guy crazy!

Steps

1. Call him no more than once a day. If you call him and talk for a little while, then he says he has to go...let him. Tell him to call you back later, or ask him if he wants you to call him back. If he says to call him back, ask for a time. Then call 15 to 30 minutes after that time. You don't want it to seem like you've been watching the clock, waiting for 6:00:00 to roll around.
   
   
   
2. Be considerate of his time - don't monopolize it! Say he goes to school, like college, and works nights, don't try to talk to him for that hour of available time every day. He has other friends he needs to talk to. Limit it to every other day, or maybe every three days, if he doesn't have much time.
   


3. Give him his guy-time. If he has plans with anyone else, don't invite yourself along. Maybe casually mention, "Well, what if I came with you?", and if he shrugs it off at all or, kind of, seems like he would rather not, just wait for another night.
   


4. Save the messing around until AFTER you are married. Having sex with a guy or messing around with him at all does not make him like you more, the same way it makes you like him more. If you do mess around with him he'll start seeing you as a toy, and the relationship will never go anywhere.
   
5. Avoid saying "I love you" too soon. It'll freak him out! Now if they say it first, okay, but never say it too soon. You'll know when it is the right time - trust your gut!

Tips

• Don't play games, older men have had them all played on them. They know the tricks and they don't put up with them.


• Older men expect you to behave like adults. That means having your own money and paying for yourself or at least offering. If you don't they'll believe you're just after the money.
  
  
  
• Be honest with him with as much as possible. If you get caught lying accept responsibly and apologize. This will show him how mature for your age you really are.

Warnings

• Watch out for the older guys that just want to take advantage of a younger girl. If you mess around every time you hang out and you never just sit together and talk (phone doesn't count), then chances are he's just using you for action.

How to Be a Good Girlfriend

So, you've landed the guy of your dreams. Now that you've found him, let him know how much you appreciate his presence in your life by being a good girlfriend.

Steps

1. Take it slow. Don't cook a three-course meal for the first date. Don't push him to call you his girlfriend after a couple of dates. Don't start talking about marriage and children before you've even met his friends. The beginning is a precious time when you both feel like you're walking on air just because you're together. Eventually this phase will pass and you'll hit bumps in the road that will test your relationship, and during those times, you'll both look back to the memories from the beginning to remember why you're in it. So don't bring up any issues prematurely and make the beginning of your relationship stressful. Let it take its natural course. Cherish your time together--it's the only time this person will be new to you. That doesn't mean you should be an obsessive girlfriend and crave every second of his time. Relax. Be patient. Enjoy.
   
2. Be honest. While being honest to your mate is very important, to the point of being paramount, it is equally important that you are honest with yourself. If you overreact or make a mistake, can you acknowledge your error and apologize. If you're feeling vulnerable or upset, can you sort through your feelings and verbalize them to him in a non-accusing way.
   
3. Have a positive attitude. If everything you say around him is a criticism or an attack, he will not look forward to seeing you. However, you don't always have to agree with him just because he is your boyfriend. Tactfulness is a better strategy in mature relationships. No matter what, have a good sense of humor. Have inside jokes together. Be spontaneous. Be happy.
   
4. Make your desires, needs, and opinions known, even when they may conflict with his. You don't and shouldn't exist solely to please him. Besides, showing that you are your own person with your own needs, desires, and approach to life will keep him interested in getting to know and understand you as a person. Just remember to express yourself in way that doesn't attack anyone else's opinion or lifestyle in any way--you can be humble and outspoken at the same time.
   
5. Take an interest in his interests. You don't have to act like you love his hobbies, but at least try to understand why he's such a fan.
   
6. Buy him simple, unexpected gifts for no special reason once in a while. The thought is always appreciated and it makes the guy feel as if you really do care and love him. Some good gift ideas could be a new music CD he's been dying to get, a book or something else that he'll really like and will be surprised by. Guys like to be surprised with little gifts too.

   Make him something. A paper flower, an artsy heart, something creative that reflects your personality, so whenever he looks at it he'll think of you and smile

7. Let him live his life. If you feel entitled to all of his time and attention, learn how to not be an obsessive girlfriend. Remember that he doesn't need you for everything and that you are separate people as well as a couple. When he needs some space, don't take it personally.

Tips

• As in any healthy relationship, you will have your share of conflicts, some tiny, some big. Remember to be true to yourself, and try to abandon any significant selfishness. A relationship is a matter of team work and a symbiotic relationship, not a parasitic one where a party gives and the other one just takes without giving enough back.
  
• If your boyfriend is acting passive towards you, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you. It most likely means he is shy and has never been in a relationship before and just doesn't know how to act. To solve this problem you can talk to him about acting that way. Perhaps he's expecting you to take more initiative because you have had more experience with relationships than he has.
  
• Avoid having a "one track" relationship in which the bond revolves around one thing. Keep your relationship strong by bringing variety and diversity into the relationship. Try different and new things together. Relationships are about having fun together, learning together and growing together.

Warnings

• Don't cheat. Some girls cheat, expecting that it will cause him to pay more attention to her. It doesn't. It always backfires. Always.
  
• Don't conduct "secret tests" on your boyfriend to see what he'll do. It's humiliating, disrespectful and unfair, and you wouldn't want him to do that to you.
  
• It's fine to share things with your girlfriends when talking about him, but remember to be respectful of him by not sharing things that are embarrassing, confidential or rude. (Don't kiss and tell!) You can keep your girlfriends "updated" on how the relationship is going, but keep them from getting involved in your relationship, unless abuse or other dangerous activities are taking place (which are never your fault), in which case tell them everything.
  
• Jealousy is a very dangerous thing. Don't intentionally make him jealous. That will result with a lot of problems and difficulties within your relationship.
  
• Try to get along with his friends and family. These are most likely things that mean a lot to him, and him having good opinions about you from people he cares about will mean a lot. Try making friends with his friends, and his siblings. Make sure you're respectful to his parents, and make sure they like you. Try doing little things, like becoming close with his sister or going shopping with his mom.
  

How to Have a Healthy Relationship

There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.

Steps

1. Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Accept yourself. Respect yourself. Love yourself. Take good care of yourself. If you really want, you CAN always find something to do that makes you feel good about yourself right now. Love yourself, so pursue your true needs. Light up your true desires. Ask yourself why you didn’t? Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way. Your life is ONLY under your control. Keep reminding yourself you are GOOD ENOUGH to have a happy life and a healthy relationship. Make yourself happy, and then share with one another.
   
2. Make and keep clear agreements. Respect the difference between yourself and your partner. Don’t expect he or she agrees with you on everything. Reach mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it. Leave the partner if you can’t reach any agreement or you find he or she always makes excuses for breaking the agreement or plan. If you say you’re going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you’re going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you’re having about someone else before you act on them. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.
   
3. Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a successful relationship. You can’t always have both. Most people argue to be “right” about something. They say. “If you loved me, you would…” and argue to hear the other say, “Okay, you’re right.” If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences. If you can’t reach any mutual agreement, that doesn’t mean either of you is wrong or bad, it only means you don’t suit each other.
   
4. Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel ‘bossed’ around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless? When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us. A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.
   
5. Tell the unarguable truth. Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone’s feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. The unarguable truth is about your true feelings; your partner can argue about anything that happens outside of you, but he or she cannot rationally deny your feelings. Here are some examples: “I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at the party,” “I feel angry when you hang up on me,” and “I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn’t want to be around me.”
   
6. Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation. The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them. Do not hold your “good deeds” over their head at a later time. Keeping score in a relationship will never work: a person is less likely to notice and value all the contributions of their partner as much as their own.
   
7. Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go the past and focusing on the present. It’s about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it. If you can’t reach an agreement, it’s a bad sign. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it’s a good sign. It’s the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.
   
8. Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Make sure you don’t expect your partner to fulfil every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. Attempting to change someone else’s mode of processing or personality style won’t work — and will create derailments.
   
9. Be Responsible. Here’s a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you’ve been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about why you are jealous and how you might do it differently next time. If you are unhappy in your relationship, get curious about why this situation seems similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than dwell in anger or resentment or try to change your partner instead.
   
10. Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don’t have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don’t want to argue but to talk and make it better.
    
11. Admit your mistakes and say sorry. Right after a misunderstanding or argument, tell your partner to give you some time to think of the wrong and right things that you and he/she did. Tell your partner to do the same thing and talk to them after 10-15 minutes. Tell your partner to give you time to talk and explain to them why you were angry, the wrong things you did, the things they did that you did not like and what you would like them to change. Ask your partner to do the same thing and give them a fair chance to talk and explain also. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between you and your partner.

Tips

• Know yourself and be honest with yourself and love yourself — first! Only then can you truly appreciate and love someone else.
  
• Take good care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect and love is as important as respecting and loving your partner. Conduct yourself with dignity, even if you’re very familiar with one another.
  
• All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe your partner is losing respect for you, then consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect is the key. If you have true respect for one another, then nothing can go wrong. You just have to find the right person to respect, this is the hard part.
  
• Ask questions, clarify, don’t assume. Do not talk if your mind is not clear or full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say “you don’t love me / you never loved me” or “let’s break up” or “when do you want to break up?”. You will regret one day. Tell him or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first.
  
• Treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Be gentle and kind. Apologize if your partner feels hurt. Apology does not mean you are bad, it only means you care. When you are full of anger, it will surely burst out of your mouth if you open it. Calm down first, then think it through, then try to talk. When your partner asks to be left alone, do not blame or criticize. Show your respect and support by give him or her the time and space to calm down and think it through first. But do not leave any unsolved problem for too long.
  
• Be the first to tell your partner, either positive or negative. Trust is as essential as respect. If you want your partner to trust you, trust him or her first. Letting your partner play guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and frustration. But, don’t just tell him or her the issue, also talk about your plan to solve it.
  
• Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
  
• Communicate with your partner. Without communication, there is no relationship. Stay in touch by, for example, calling your partner even if it’s just to say ‘hi’ and ‘I love you’.
  
• Avoid any activity that could cause your partner to experience doubt, suspicion or distrust - build your credibility and earn trust and respect by always communicate truthfully and proactively, and always keep your words. In this way, if something happens which looks incriminating, your partner will believe you if you claim you are innocent. Past behavior predicts future actions - building a solid foundation of trust and integrity will take you far. However, ultimately your life and where it takes you is more important than your obligations to someone else. If there is trust in a relationship, you should be able to do what you want. You aren’t responsible for making someone else jealous.
  
• Always make sure to show your partner that you appreciate him/her. Whether it’s calling them to check in, say I love you, or just spend your Saturday night together. The possibilities are endless.
  
• Know when to say no, and know when time and space are actually constructive tools.
  
• It is not always a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm. “Do you sometimes think about your ex?” and “do I look fat in these pants?” are both loaded questions. In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example, “I think you have other pants that look better on you” is a helpful answer, instead of simply “they don’t”, or “they do make you look fat”.
  
• Remember what you don’t do is as important as what you do.
  
• Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners or coworkers. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. There is nothing wrong with having friends of a gender you are attracted to; just keep flirting out of the friendship.
  
• Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you’re no longer romantically involved. Don’t ever lie or cheat on your partner, however one of those questions it’s best not to answer totally honestly is “do you still think about your ex?” If you have fond memories, don’t dwell on them, and assure your partner that while you occasionally remember places you went or things that happened, you are so much happier to be with your present partner. Period. Don’t launch into a rehashing of the old days with the ex, or talk at length about the good times you had together or things you did together.
  
• ‘It can help to learn the difference between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships’ - That way you can see potential problems as and when they arise (Remember - its likely you would see something Unhealthy at some point so don’t be alarmed or shocked as there is no perfect relationship because we are all human and fallible). If you see something Unhealthy in your relationship try and work out why this is and see if you can work towards resolving it.
  

Warnings

• Keep your expectations about the relationship realistic. Marriage should not be on your mind if you’ve been dating for a week, for example. Nor should you think that the relationship is going to solve all of your problems, or that you’ll never be lonely again, or anything like that. Relationships can be wonderful things, but be realistic about them. Just as one can feel lonely in a crowd, one can also feel lonely occasionally when in a relationship - that doesn’t mean the relationship is bad, it only means you’re feeling a little down. Don’t ascribe too much importance to it unless these feelings linger and begin to dominate your days and nights. If this happens, seek help; you may be spiralling into a depression.
  
• Do not assume that any one relationship will be perfect. It is human to experience disagreements and emotional pain. Working past these issues may be an ongoing struggle.
  
• Do not call it quits when you do argue. When in a state of anger, we can not rationalize and often find ourselves losing control by saying things we don’t mean. Hang in there and try to work it out before finalizing a break-up that you will regret afterwards. That said, if you find you are arguing more and more, examine the possible reasons, and talk it over together.
  
• There is no such thing as a PERFECT relationship. Sure, most of the time you’ll be compromising. But don’t get shocked or overly depressed because of arguments or fights. This will come for SURE. Without arguments and fights, your relationship will NOT grow stronger.
  

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