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The Hindu Marriage, Past and Present
Hindu wedding is thought to be the bringing of two people who are said to be compaitable.
Hindu wedding Ceremonies are traditionally conducted at least partially in
Sanskrit, the language in which most holy
Hindu ceremonies are conducted. The local language of the people involved is also used since most Hindus cannot understand Sanskrit. They have many rituals that have evolved since traditional times and differ in many ways from the modern western
wedding ceremony and also among the different regions, families, and
castes such as
Rajput weddings and
Iyer weddings. The Hindus attach a lot of importance to
marriages and the ceremonies are very colorful and extend for several days.
In India, where most Hindus live, the laws relating to marriage differ by religion. By the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955 passed by the Union Parliament of India, for all legal purposes, all Hindus of any caste, creed or sect, Sikh, Buddhists and Jains are considered as Hindus for the purpose of the Act and can hence intermarry. By the Special Marriage Act, 1954, a Hindu can marry a non-Hindu employing any ceremony provided certain legal conditions are fulfilled.
The pre-wedding ceremonies include engagement (involving vagdana or oral agreement and lagna-patra written declaration), and arrival of the groom's party at the bride's residence, often in the form of a formal procession. The post-wedding ceremonies involve welcoming the bride to her new home.
Just as Hinduism is hard to grasp and contrast against the newer, book-defined, structured religions such as Christianity and Islam, India's prevalent wedding traditions are also hard to categorize purely on a religious basis.
Despite modern Hinduism being largely based on the puja form of the worship of devas as enshrined in the Puranas, a Hindu wedding ceremony at its core is essentially a Vedic yajna (a fire-sacrifice), in which the Aryan deities are invoked in the Indo-Aryan style. It has a deep origin in the ancient ceremony of cementing the bonds of friendship/alliance (even among people of the same sex or people of different species in mythological contexts), although today, it only survives in the context of weddings. The primary witness of a Hindu marriage is the fire-deity (or the Sacred Fire) Agni, and by law and tradition, no Hindu marriage is deemed complete unless in the presence of the Sacred Fire, seven encirclements have been made around it by the bride and the groom together.
The ancient system of Hindu/Vedic marriages did not differentiate between male and female, as is done in modern times.
- The basis for a fulfilling and happy life
Te santu jard—istayah sampriyau royisnu sumansyamanau|
Pasyema sharadah shatam jivema sharadah shatam shrunuyam shardah shatam||
“We should be able to live a graceful life that is full of mutual love and warmth. Our sentiments should be auspicious.
We should be able to see for a hundred years, live a healthy life of a hundred years and listen the music of spring for a hundred years.”
The sage of the above mentioned vedic — aca, has emphasized that the basis of happy and fulfilling married life is the sense of unity, intimacy and love between husband and wife. Thus, marriage is not for self-indulgence, but rather should be considered a lifelong social and spiritual responsibility. Married life is considered an opportunity for two people to grow from life partners into soul mates.[1][2][3]
[edit] Main rituals
All of the rituals vary based on family traditions. The names of the rituals also vary depending on the area the ritual is performed like south or north India. Especially the rituals are very different from south India to north India.
[edit] Prior to marriage
Conducted at the homes of the parents of the bride and the groom.
[edit] Engagement
in front of the community members to marry their son and daughter, sometimes using a document. Both families will also come to an agreement about the date of the wedding. Both will talk about their families and some details of the wedding or engagement. In Tamil it is called neechiyum, meaning the "confirmation" of both parties agreed without any objection.
[edit] Barni Bandhwana
Approximately 15 days prior to the actual wedding, on an auspicious day, the pundit will perform a puja to Lord Ganesh (the remover of obstacles). During this puja, a piece of mauli (thread) is tied to the hands of the groom, and his parents. This puja is done to humbly request that the wedding happen without any problems, apart from the occasional trivial mishaps.
[edit] Mamara
The mamara is an important ceremony, common to both the bride's and the groom's families. This ceremony is performed by the maternal uncle of the groom/bride, who, along with his wife and family, arrives with much fanfare, and is received by the bride/groom's mother with the traditional welcome.Mamara arrange by relative of mother's family, mostly brother(s) of mom.
[edit] Sangeet Sandhya
The sangeet sandhya is an evening of musical entertainment. This event takes place 2 or 3 days before a wedding in a Banquet Hall or if a small affair, then at home. The bride's family puts on a show for the groom and bride.
[edit] Tilak Ceremony
Tilak is a mark of auspiciousness. It is put on the forehead using Kumkum, a red turmeric powder. The male members of the bride's family, like her father, brother, uncles place a tilak on the forehead of the groom.
[edit] Mehendi Lagwana
Another name for "Vivaah" is "haath pila karna" or simply translated, making hands yellow. Mehendi (henna) is applied to the bride’s hands and feet. In the right hand, a round spot is left open for Hathlewa.
[edit] During marriage festivities
[edit] Barat Nikasi
[[File:A wedding procession with the bridegroom on a horse, Pushkar, The groom leaves for the wedding venue riding a decorated horse or elephant. This is a very colorful and grand ceremony. The groom is dressed in a sherwani (long jacket) and churidars (fitted trousers). On his head he wears a sehra (turban).
Before he departs, his relatives apply the ceremonial tilak on his forehead and his sister feeds the horse or elephant sweetened grain. The baraat (consisting of the groom seated on the horse or elephant, and relatives and friends of the groom) is headed by the dancing of the congregated folks.
Upon arriving at the venue of the wedding, the groom is welcomed by a welcome song called talota. Then the groom knocks on the door with his sword and enters.
[edit] Var Mala/Jai Mala
A Hindu couple and a priest shortly after the
var mala ceremony
In most Hindu weddings, the groom is led to a small stage, known as mandap, where he is greeted by the bride's family. The maternal uncle, brother or brides' best friends bring the bride to the stage. The bride and the groom are handed the garlands while the priest is chanting the religious hymns. Following this, the groom and bride exchange garlands, which are the var mala or jai mala, signifying their acceptance of each other as husband and wife. Then, the groom's mother-in-law measures the groom's chest, and pokes and prods him to make sure he is tough enough to defend her daughter. She then puts kajal on the groom to ward off evil spirits. Before the exchange of the Var malas the bride and groom stand opposite to each other separated by a long piece of cloth known as antarpat. The mangalashtakas are recited and then the antarpat is removed and the bride and groom garland each other. This is the most auspicious and important ceremony and takes place on a muhurta(auspicious timing) decided by the vedic calendar known as Panchang.
The baraatis (groom's party) are received by the bride's family and at the entrance to the wedding venue. The bride's mother welcomes the groom by performing the aarti (traditional Indian welcome ritual with a lamp or diya placed on a platter or thali) to welcome her son-in-law and places a tilak on his forehead
[edit] Baasi-Jawari
This event takes place the day of the wedding. The bride's sisters hide the groom's shoes and ask for money if he (groom) wants them back and be able to go home with the bride.
[edit] Kanya Daan
Kanya Daan, which means the giving away of one's daughter, has been derived from the Sanskrit words Kanya which means virgin girl and Daan which means donation. Kanya Daan is a very significant ritual performed by the father of the bride in presence of a large gathering that is invited to witness the wedding. The father pours out libation of sacred water symbolizing the giving away of his daughter to the bride groom. The groom recites Vedic hymns to Kama, the god of love, for pure love and blessings. The bride's sisters then steal the groom's shoes and ask for money for their return. This is a sign of the groom's loyalty.
As a condition for offering his daughter for marriage, the father of the bride requests a promise from the groom for assisting the bride in realizing the three ends:
The groom makes the promise by repeating three times that he will not fail the bride in realizing dharma, artha and kama.
Ideally, the parents of the bride place the right hand of the bride over the right hand of the groom and place their own left hands at the bottom and the right hands (the two of them) on top, securing the Conch with gold, betel nut, flowers and a little fruit (in it) placed in bride's hand. It is at this point that the purpose of the Kanyadaan is clearly stated per scripture and the names of the parents and forefathers are stated from both sides. The wedding cannot legally proceed without this Kanyadaan step in which parents of the bride agree to the wedding.
In a Hindu wedding, the bride and groom marry each other and the priest only assists with the Mantra. He cannot declare them married as no authority is vested in him to do so. Agni, gods and the invited members of the family and friends are the witness. This ritual reveals that Wife is the form (avatar) and source of Purushardhas like Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha. This ritual also helps the bridegroom to think that his wife is the most valuable gift given by God himself, and helps the bride to think that her husband is a form of god himself. However widows and divorced women are not eligible for Kanya Daan ritual.
[edit] Panigrahana Hathlewa
After being led to the wedding mandup, the bride and groom have their hands tied together. The priest does a puja to Lord Ganesh and then puts a coin & mehendi on the bride's right hand where the round empty spot is (where no mehendi was put) and ties his hand with the brides. This puja is done schedule in advance based on an auspicious time & date.
[edit] Gathabandhan
In this ritual priest tying a knot using the ends of the clothing worn by the bride and groom. The priest ties the end of the groom's dhoti or kurta, whichever he is wearing, with that of the bride's saree; the knot signifies the sacred wedlock.
[edit] Laja Homa
The ritual connotes the actual core wedding ceremony, for the very meaning of the word vivaah is "marriage".[citation needed] The groom and the bride then circle the holy fire seven times, making seven promises to be fulfilled in the married life, after which they are considered to be married to each other. This ritual is called phere. Traditionally, there were three pheras. But now this has been mixed with saptapadi and now seven pheras are done for each vachan. In the south, most of the non-brahmin communities perform only three pheras, holding hands.
[edit] Saptapadi
A Hindu bride shortly after the saptapdi ceremony
The Saptapadi (Sanskrit for seven steps/feet, c.f. Latin cognates septum+pedii) or the saat pheras is perhaps the most important component of Vedic Hindu weddings. The couple conduct seven circuits of the Holy Fire (Agni), which is considered a witness to the vows they make each other.[4] In some regions, sashes worn by the bride and groom are tied together for this ceremony. Elsewhere, the groom holds the bride's right hand in his own right hand.[4] Each circuit of the consecrated fire is led by either the bride or the groom, varying by community and region. Usually, the bride leads the groom in the first circuit. In North India, the first six circuits are led by the bride, and the final one by the groom.[5] In Central India, the bride leads the first three or four circuits.[4] With each circuit, the couple makes a specific vow to establish some aspect of a happy relationship and household for each other.
- To provide for food always.
- To give you excellent health and energy.
- Todained in Vedas, during your life time.
- To give you happiness in life.
- To make your cows and good animals grow in strength and in numbers.
- To make all the seasons be beneficial to you.
- To make the homams (sacrifices to be done in Holy Fire) to be performed by you in your life as ordained in Vedas, successful and free from hindrances.
A joint vow is usually made at the end of the seven steps, which varies by region. A typical vow is:
- After crossing seven steps with me thus, you should become my friend. I too have become your friend now. I will never discard this friendship and you should also not do that. Let us be together always. Let us resolve to do things in life in the same manner and tread the same path. Let us lead a life by liking and loving each other, having good hearts and thoughts, and enjoying the food and our strong points together. Let us have undivided opinions. We will perform the vrithas united. Let us have same and joint desires. I will be Sama (one of the vedas); you will be Rig (another Veda). Let me be the Heaven; you be the Earth. Let me be the Shukla (Moon) and you be its wearer. Let me be the mind and you its spokesman (Vak). With these qualities, you be my follower. You the sweet tongued, come to me to get good children and wealth.
In North Indian weddings, the bride and the groom say the following words after completing the seven steps:
- "We have taken the Seven Steps. You have become mine forever. Yes, we have become partners. I have become yours. Hereafter, I cannot live without you. Do not live without me. Let us share the joys. We are word and meaning, united. You are thought and I am sound. May the night be honey-sweet for us. May the morning be honey-sweet for us. May the earth be honey-sweet for us. May the heavens be honey-sweet for us. May the plants be honey-sweet for us. May the sun be all honey for us. May the cows yield us honey-sweet milk. As the heavens are stable, as the earth is stable, as the mountains are stable, as the whole universe is stable, so may our unions be permanently settled."[6][7][8][9]
[edit] Vidaai
A bride bids her family farewell at the end of the wedding ceremony.
Also called rukhsati in North India. This is considered to be the most emotional ritual, when the bride leaves her parents' home and makes her way to her husband's. Family and friends, who also shower her with blessings and gifts, give her a tearful farewell. The male members of the bride's family bid farewell to the groom by applying the traditional tilak (vermilion) to his forehead and showering him with gifts.
In earlier times the bride use to leave in a palanquin. These days the couple leaves in a bus
[edit] At their new home
[edit] Darshan
After Vidaai, the couple first visits a temple, preferably that of Lord Rama and Sita, to seek their blessing from where they move towards the groom's house.
[edit] Dwar-Rokai
After leaving the groom's father-in-law's house, the couple come home. They are stopped at the entrance of the house by either the groom's sister or his father's sister. There, in an earthen vessel, the sister/aunt uses a mixture of salt and water to ward off evil spirits from the groom. After this, the pot is thrown on the ground and destroyed. The couple then enter the house.
[edit] Griha Pravesh
When the bride arrives at her new home, her mother-in-law welcomes her with the traditional Aarti. At the entrance, she puts her right foot onto a tray of vermilion powder mixed in water or milk, symbolizing the arrival of good fortune and purity. With both her feet now covered in the red powder paste, she kicks over a vessel filled with rice and coins to denote the arrival of fertility and wealth in her marital home.
[edit] Mooh Dikhai
The family now indulges in a series of games and post-wedding rituals, amid much laughter to make the new member feel comfortable. One such ritual is the Mooh dikhai. Literally translated, Mooh Dikhai means "show your face"; this ritual helps introduce the newlywed to members of her husband's family. Each member of the groom's family comes in turn to make an acquaintance with the new bride.
In some regions of North India, the couple returns (unaccompanied by the groom's family) to the bride's parents' home the day after the wedding, usually for an afternoon meal and evening tea. The groom is introduced to the bride's side of the extended family and her friends. In the period between the engagement and the wedding, it is usually considered bad luck for the groom to visit the bride's house, so the pheri (literally, return or turning-around; distinct from phere) marks the beginning of the groom's social integration into the bride's side of the family.
[edit] Modern Hindu weddings
A
mandap during a Hindu wedding ceremony
Modern Hindu weddings are often much shorter and do not involve all of the rituals of the traditional ceremony, which sometimes go on for five days. Instead certain ceremonies are picked by the families of the bride and the groom depending on their family tradition, caste, jāti etc. Hence the ceremonies vary among the various ethnic groups that practice Hinduism. The wedding is normally conducted under a wedding mandap, a canopy traditionally with four pillars, and an important component of the ceremony is the sacred fire (Agni) that is witness to the ceremony. Sometimes, the bride comes to her husband's house in a doli which is a palanquin traditionally made of wood and decorated with jewels. Before the wedding party departs to the Hindu temple, the priest will sometimes place a coconut under the tire. In the old days a horse-drawn carriage was used to carry the bride and groom, and the breaking of the coconut demonstrated the road-worthiness of the horse-drawn carriage.
[edit] In popular culture
Hindu weddings have been featured in many successful Hindi films such as Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, Babul, and Vivah.
On Salvation 
On Rituals 
